


Sleepless nights

by Kristanine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Comfort/Angst, Comforting, Comforting Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not really though, One Shot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Working it Out, angst with happy ending, it's only mentioned, not in their relationship, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristanine/pseuds/Kristanine
Summary: Castiel didn’t like apologizing and Dean could always recognize his posture if he was about to, and that was scaring him.He knew that their fight this evening was his fault, so what had happened after Castiel had stormed out of their house?





	

**Author's Note:**

> *warning* mentions of rape/non-con! Not between Cas and Dean though!! (and nothing too explicit)
> 
> Credit to the makers of Supernatural

Dean sat anxiously waiting for his boyfriend’s return. He knew that the fight they previously had a few hours ago was his fault. It also hurt a lot more knowing he was going to pop the big question this night, but instead his nerves got the best of him and turned a simple question from the other man, into a fight. He was just so tired of Castiel doubting himself, always wanting affirmation about if Dean still wanted him. Of course Dean still wanted him! He loved him! Always had, always will. He would have thought that after pining for each other for years, and then finally getting to together, which was three years ago now, would stop Cas’ doubts, but no, it had started again tonight. Not that he could blame the guy, Dean did have a record for sleeping around. Though it had abruptly stopped after figuring out he was in love with his best friend, for which he thought made it pretty clear he was serious about their relationship. Which then again, Cas said that he didn’t doubt Dean, he doubted himself, if he was good enough.

The first time the subject had come up, Dean had laughed, though stopped abruptly when he saw his boyfriend’s wounded look. The frightened, shy look on Cas’ face as they were laying together, feet and arms slung around each other and faces inches apart, broke Dean’s heart. Made him fall in love with the slightly smaller man, with dark brown hair and crystal blue eyes, all over again. Cas had apparently noticed Dean’s look and tried to explain. He was terrified that Dean would somewhere along the line, loose his feelings for Castiel, that he wouldn’t be enough for him, that he might one day want the all American ‘apple pie life’. So, what Dean gathered from that information was that Cas was mostly afraid he’d want to go back to sleeping with women. He had pushed the hurt feelings fighting its way into his heart and reasoned with his Lover.

 

Now, sitting here, still waiting for Castiel to come back home and snuggle back into their king-sized bed, sheets and bodies tangled together as they both would apologize for their behavior, Dean was instead restlessly tapping his fingers on his thighs. While his eyes were locked on something beyond the TV that was playing a movie on whichever channel was on when he mindlessly turned it on. He couldn’t fucking stay still, just a few moments ago he was pacing back and forth in their living room. Before that, he was sitting in the same position, as now, and in a few minutes he’d be up and pacing again. Dean was so worried about his boyfriend he didn’t know what to do with his body, and his mind was skipping through all of the worst-case scenarios he could think of. It was past 2am now, and Cas had never stormed out of their house after a fight and not just proceeded to sitting outside on the porch for half an hour. Now though, it was over three hours since they had their huge screaming session, and Dean had never been this concerned.

 

Just as Dean was about to stand up and continue pacing, the door creaked open, and in came a disheveled Castiel.

 

Dean’s head snapped up and he rose from the chair and walked over to the front door, only to stop an arm’s length away from his Lover and stilling, not knowing what else to do. He stared at Cas’ slumped frame, the way his shoulders were hunched forward and his head bowed in an apology was nerve wracking. Castiel didn’t like apologizing and Dean could always recognize it in his posture if he was about to, and that scared him. He knew that their fight this evening was his fault, so what had happened after Castiel had stormed out of their house?

 

“I’m so sorry” Cas’ voice was barely louder than a whisper.

 

Dean could only stand there, feeling slightly out of place not knowing what he was apologizing for, before Castiel slung himself forward into Dean’s arms. He kept whispering broken apologies into Dean’s neck as he was clinging to his shirt. Dean couldn’t do anything else than grip his boyfriend tighter to his chest and kiss his head, even though he had no idea what he was apologizing for and he was smelling like a mixture of alcohol and a foreign, intoxicating cologne. Dean could feel him shivering and the muffled sound of sobs against his shirt collar. That is when it hit Dean even harder, why was Cas smelling like a different man’s cologne and apologizing?

 

“Why- Why are you apologizing Cas? What happened?” Dean forced Castiel away from his desperate hold of his clothes.

 

“I’m so sorry, Dean. Please just hold me”

 

Dean couldn’t do anything else then oblige, although he had a pretty good idea of what his Lover had gotten himself into, and wanted nothing more than a really good explanation right about now. All he could do was gather the broken man into his arms, kiss his forehead, while leading the way over to their bedroom. They would have to talk about this, but Dean could wait until the morning.

 

Dean reluctantly pulled one hand away from his grip of the other man, and pushed open the creaking bedroom door. Inside, he carefully sat them both down on the bed. Castiel was still trembling against Dean and strangled sobs were still tumbling from his mouth. Dean began peeling the other man of his clothes, while rubbing his back in a reassuring matter. Castiel had apparently not noticed that Dean was carefully undressing him, until the discarded trench coat hit the floor. He momentarily stilled, and Dean stole a glance at his boyfriend. He looked like a dear caught in the headlights, frightened and not quite sure what to do.

 

“Relax, okay. I’m just gonna get these clothes off you, and then we’re gonna sleep. We’ll have to talk about this tomorrow, but right now you are drunk and in no state to have a serious conversation”

 

Dean put a hand on his lover’s shoulder and proceeded in undressing him when the other man relaxed under his touch. Dean immediately understood Castiel’s sudden hesitation when he pulled his t-shirt off. Right under his collarbone a patch of skin blossomed into a purple hickey. Even though he already knew it, it still hurt having his suspicions clarified, and he couldn’t help it when he discreetly glided away from the other man. Castiel tried to reach for him, but Dean just couldn’t touch him right now. He knew that his boyfriend was a little too drunk to strip himself of his clothes, so Dean almost didn’t have a choice rather than to help him. He was hurt and didn’t feel like being in the same room as Cas right now, but Dean would never leave him when he needed him. So, he stood up and continued to shed his lover of his clothes, until he was left with only boxers on.

 

“Dean, I never meant for this to happen. I am so sorry. I love you. P-please”

 

Castiel sounded so broken, and it was almost all it took for Dean to climb back into bed with him and snuggle until they both entered the realm of dreams. However, he just couldn’t, so instead he laid Castiel down on their bed and draped their sheets over him.

 

“We’ll talk in the morning. I just can’t sleep here right now”

 

That was the last thing Dean said before he fled the room and shut the door. He stumbled back into their living room and slumped down onto the couch. Without his consent, a single tear escaped from his eyes. He didn’t bother trying to wipe them away as more flooded his vision, Dean just squeezed his eyes shut and forced his body to relax. Something painful was throbbing in his chest, he knew what it was, it was there every time Cas looked at him with one of those smiles reserved just for Dean, it was love. Now though, it was filled with betrayal and hurt.

 

Dean clawed one of their sofa cushions and buried his face in it, willing his emotions away, while scooting closer back into the sofa, wishing instead that a warm body were pressing against his back. 

 

 

* * * * * *

 

Dean woke up at 8am, which was a lot earlier than usual since he had a day off, but their sofa wasn’t exactly sleeping material, so his muscles were sore. With that in mind, he slumped over to their bathroom and took a quick scalding, hot shower. The warm water easing up his tense body. After quickly drying off, he peeked into his and Cas’ bedroom and found his boyfriend still sound asleep. His mouth was slightly agape and soft snores were escaping, while his nose was scrunching upwards in a worried frown. Dean couldn’t help himself as a fond, little smile erupted on his face.  
He walked back downstairs, after silently snatching sweatpants and a t-shirt from their room, and into the kitchen, knowing that when the smell of breakfast was wafting throughout their whole house that Castiel would wake and shuffle in to join him for breakfast. He wasn’t quite sure that was what he wanted this morning, but knew that after a full stomach and minds cleared it would be easier to talk about last night.

 

Just as he was putting a couple of scrambled eggs and toast on two plates and filling up two mugs with freshly brewed coffee, Cas came down the stairs, dressed in the same manner as Dean.

 

“Morning” Dean knew his voice sounded oddly distant, just like it did way back when they first met, and tried to clear his throat with some coffee.

 

“Good morning, Dean. I honestly don’t know what to say”

 

The tension in the room was palpable, almost like you could taste it if you inhaled deep enough, and to be frank, Dean hated it. They weren’t supposed to be back at this level of awkwardness and tension, it just weren’t them anymore.

 

“Let’s just eat and you can start telling me where you went last night and then we can go from there” Dean tried to sound as supportive as possible and not like he was going to burst into anger any second. And he wasn’t, all he wanted was to lay on the couch, snuggle and watch crappy TV that neither of them were paying attention to.

 

They each took a seat at the dinner table, Dean at the end of the rectangular table and Cas beside him on his right, just like they were always sitting.

“I went to the bar at the edge of town, the small but noisy one. After a couple of drinks, I, uhm eh…” Cas’ voice was dropping and at the end he was shaking and could barely get the words out. 

 

Dean instantly got out of his chair, it scraped across the hardwood floor and almost fell over, but he didn’t care. He reached out his hand to Cas and they both got up and walked over to the sofa, sitting down with hands intertwined. After Dean had soothed him down and Cas was able to breathe properly, he continued talking.

 

“I had to use the bathroom so as I was walking in I noticed a guy that had been watching me for the past hour followed me in. At first I didn’t think about it, I was just going to splash some water on my face, relieve myself and get a cab home.” Cas cleared his throat and kept talking. “I got to splashing some water on my face but as I turned around the guy was all up in my face, I didn’t get a chance to react before he grabbed me and kissed me. I didn’t fully want it but wasn’t sober enough to realize what was happening and so I kissed him back”

 

Dean squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him closer, almost into his lap.

 

“Everything happened so fast, he kissed my neck and jerked himself off, when it was all over I couldn’t even fully comprehend what had happened. I straightened my clothes and all I could think about was you, all I wanted was you.” A couple of stray tears escaped Cas’ eyes and Dean thumbed them away, grabbed his boyfriend’s face and gave him a light peck on the lips.

 

The next ten minutes went with complete silence on both parts. Dean had no idea what to say and it seemed like Cas didn’t either. All Dean could feel was anger and sadness, anger at the stupid guy that didn’t care about 100% consent, anger at himself for not being there, and just generally sad that this had happened at all.

 

“I truly am sorry Dean, I never meant for any of this to happen, I was just so sad and scared” Cas then looked suddenly horrified, as if he suddenly understood what had played out yesterday. “Oh my god, what have I done? Oh god, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry”

 

Dean felt numb and like his body couldn’t move, like his muscles just died. When Cas broke down he finally snapped out of it and pulled his boyfriend out of the couch, up the stairs and into the bathroom with him. Cas was clinging to him, not even able to do anything other than what Dean leaded him into.

 

“Come on, let’s get you all cleaned up” Dean said softly, lifting his boyfriend’s chin up and kissed him sweetly. He opened glass doors to the shower and turned it on to a decent degree.

 

“Are you going to leave me? How haven’t you already left?” Cas sounded so unsure and like any alternative was completely out of question, and it broke Dean’s heart.

 

“I think we’ve already established the part that I love you more than anything in this world, and that I will be there for you no matter what.” He brushed away a few strands of hair from Cas’ forehead. “This wasn’t your fault, Angel, you know that, even if you can’t see it right now, you will”

 

They both got into the shower, even though Dean had already had a shower only two hours ago he wasn’t about to let Cas be alone now. Dean picked up the shampoo, and after getting both of them completely soaked in warm water, started massaging it into Cas’ hair. After rinsing out the shampoo and doing it again with conditioner he finally felt his boyfriend started to relax.

 

“How are you feeling Cas? I know this may be a really strange question, but did this traumatize you a lot?” Just saying the words made him feel weird but he had to ask, had to know how they were going to deal with this.  
“Weirdly enough, no, I know this sounds odd, but no, not to a huge extent. I was only worried about you, about us” Cas sighed as Dean rinsed started massaging soap on his body with a washcloth. “I was just worried about how this would affect our relationship. I know it wasn’t completely consensual, but just being here with you makes everything feel slightly better.”

 

“God, Cas, I was so worried about you, I’ve never been that scared in my entire life. When you came in looking so… broken and sad, it just broke my heart.” Dean kissed him tenderly and grabbed the shower head to wash off the soap. “You know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I know that sounds really cheesy but it is true. I love you so much it hurts”

 

“I love you too, Dean.” Cas bent down and kissed Dean, it didn’t escalate into anything more than that, they were both too raw of emotions and comforting each other was more important right now.

 

After standing in the shower just holding Cas a little longer, Dean grabbed his hand and they both got out of the shower. Dean took it upon himself to dry them both off, hurrying to quickly dry himself and then spending some extra time on Cas. When both of them were back in cleaned, lounging clothes they laid down on their bed and spent a long time just talking and dealing with this new issue. It wasn’t easy but it was something they could deal with, together.

 

Having had such an emotional two days Cas fell asleep after about an hour of talking, he agreed, after some convincing on Dean’s part, that therapy might be a good idea. Even if it was just to make sure this hadn’t actually affected him too much.

 

So, when Cas fell asleep, Dean went and made an appointment, that would take place three days from now, with a highly recommended psychologist. Content with their progress in the communication area, Dean made Cas’ favorite food while he let his boyfriend sleep some more. When he went to wake him up he saw that Cas was already stirring from the smell of lasagna all over the house, they smiled at each other, linked their hands together and walked down the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated<3
> 
> and I might just add a chapter where there's some smut involded;)


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